So the husband must let his mother know that his wife does indeed come first. His house is his and his wife's house, not his mother's.He is a husband first, then a son.Although this may sound harsh, remember that one of the basic tasks of a marriage is to establish a sense of "we-ness" between husband and wife. This is not a pleasant position to take. His mother's feelings may be hurt.The only way out of this dilemma is for the husband to side with his wife against his mother.
But eventually she will probably adjust to the reality that her son's family unit, where he is the husband, takes precedence to him over all others. It is absolutely critical for the marriage thatthe husband be firm about this .This is not to suggest that a man do anything that he feels demeans and dishonors his parents or goes against his basic values.But he has to stand with his wife and not in the middle.He should not compromise who he is. He and his wife need to establish their own family rituals, values, and lifestyle and insist that his mother (and father) respect them. He and his wife need to establish their own family rituals, values, and lifestyle and insist that his mother (and father) respect them.For this reason, creating or renewing your sense of solidarity with your spousemake sure you don't end up with a budget that forces either of you to become a martyr.
An important part of putting your spouse first and building this sense of solidarity is not to tolerate any contempt toward your spouse from your parents. If you feel that your spouse isn't necessarily on your side in any of these relationships or that there are ongoing issues with a particular family member, you can consult a shrink Now try to create a budget that allows you to manage everyday finances and other "essentials" based on your means.
But when a simpler, solvable financial problem arises,come up with a plan for paying bills on a regular basis. Discuss your separate lists and plans with each other. Look for common ground between your two approaches.While money buys pleasure, it also buys security.Decide on a workable strategy that allows both of you to meet your essential needs. 1Balancing these two economic realities can be work for any couple,since our feelings about money and value are so personal and often idiosyncratic.The problems and solutions encountered by these couples are unlikely to match yours. The point is that whatever your disagreement over finances, you'll defuse the tension by working as a team to devise a plan you both can accept, even if it doesn't give you everything you want right now.
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